


invictus

by lesbianxshuri



Series: moments on the waverider [5]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode Related, F/M, Missing Scene, Moonshot, Other, S2 Ep14, Team Legends - Freeform, and it pisses me off, angsty, because rip hunter, friendship fic, jax x rip, pre time canary, rip hunter gets a hug btw, so I wrote this, there wasn't enough of jax in that episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 19:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10342881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianxshuri/pseuds/lesbianxshuri
Summary: jax and rip have a conversation in the aftermath of moonshot.friendship fic - canon divergence from 2x14





	

**Author's Note:**

> Moonshot, while great, left me unsatisfied. For example, why did we only get like two minutes of Jax? Why did no one seemed to care about Rip's mental health after he had been brainwashed and tortured? Why did Rip get punched instead of hugged? 
> 
> Which is why I wrote this fine piece of literature, trying to quench my thirst. Hope you'll like it !

_Out of the night that covers me, b_ _lack as the pit from pole to pole,_

 _I thank whatever gods may be_   _for my unconquerable soul._  
  
_In the fell clutch of circumstance_ , I _have not winced nor cried aloud._

 _Under the bludgeoning of chance, m_ _y head is bloody, but unbowed._

 

 

* * *

 

Rip stiffened an umpteenth yawn, his eyes closing as he slouched further into his chair. Clearing his throat, he cracked his neck and pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes wide-opened as he tried to focus on Golding’s _Lord of the Flies,_ his grip tightening on the book as it wouldn’t fall off his hands. He should probably go to sleep instead of reading about lost boys stranded on an island, he thought to himself as he re-read the last couple of sentences, frowning in concentration. On one hand, sleeping meant rest and a good hygiene of life and not going insane. On the other, sleeping meant nightmarish dreams and being locked in a prison he had helped design. Sleeping meant the possibility of not waking up in control. Sleeping would have to wait for him to have a firm grasp on reality. Until then, coffee and black tea – anxiety and insomnia - would suffice to keep him awake.

A soft snore startled him out of his thoughts, his head snapping to the side of his study. He relaxed, letting out a breath at the sight of Sara frowning in her sleep, the covers pulled to her chin and a leg hanging out of the couch. While it hadn’t been that late when everyone decided to retreat to their quarters, the last few days had been overwhelming and rest was well earned. Both Rip and Sara had moved to his study, the latter adding live comments while he caught on previous missions through, surprisingly, well redacted and accurate reports. Rip hadn’t had the heart – the _courage –_ to wake her up when he had noticed that she had fallen asleep. Running his fingers through his hair, Rip closed the book and threw it onto his desk, scratching his trimmed beard.

“Alright, I fixed the jumpship and there’s no more gaping hole on the left side. We’re good and ready to go, sir.”

Rip jumped at Jax’s entrance in his study, earning a small snort from the latter. He actually had to do a double take, assuring himself that the younger man’s presence wasn’t a hallucination born of his boredom and sleep-deprivation. Seeing as he didn’t disappear no matter how much he blinked, Rip gathered that he was real. It did nothing to ease his confusion and explain as to why Jax was standing in front him, his arms crossed and the ghost of a smile on his face.

“You’re talking me,” Rip muttered, more to convince himself that to start a conversation.

“Well, yeah,” Jax retorted, wearing a frown of his own, “I don’t think Sara would be okay with me calling her _sir._ ”

Rip didn’t dare blink as he stared at the engineer with intent, his brow furrowed. Jax stared back, his eyes narrowed as if trying to pry into his mind to see his thoughts, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Clearing his throat, he plastered a small smile on his face and clapped his hands, as if the gesture and noise would put to the tension surrounding them.

“I just wanted to come in and inform about the repairs being done,” he explained, nervously twisting his hands, “and that I was going to crash.”

Rip was able to nod in response, showing that he had processed what had been said to him, and watched as Jax gave him a small salute before retreating out of his study backward. The second he stepped over the threshold, Rip jumped out of his chair, his name on the tip of his tongue and a million questions burning in the back of his throat.

“Jax, wait,” Rip croaked, crossing the space in a matter of seconds and meeting a perplexed Jax on the other side. Rubbing his dry lips with the back of his hand, he sighed, “ _Why_ are you talking to me?”

“Because I thought you would like to know about your ship’s status,” he replied, his frown deepening.

“ _No,_ no, I meant-“ Rip closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, grimacing at his wording, “We haven’t had the occasion to _really_ talk and,” he rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes now staring at a point behind Jax’s head, “I would’ve thought that you wouldn’t want talk to me.”

Rip didn’t need to look at him to know his expression, confusion-letting place to understanding as the air around them thickened. His jaw clenched, he reminded himself to breath while Jax pondered over his words, looking for an adequate answer. There weren’t much to think about, to Rip’s opinion: there were only two choices of response possibly and he was pretty sure what it would be. His eyes snapped to Jax when the latter let out a sigh.

“Things have been kinda crazy lately, man,” Jax agreed with a nonchalant shrug, “And you just came back, so _we_ ’re all trying to give you some air, some time for you to get better. Still, it doesn’t me that I _don’t_ want to talk to you.”

Rip was sure that there were only two choices of response and, yet, the one Jax gave him didn’t correspond to any of them. Gaping at the younger man for a minute, he, then, closed his mouth and tilted his head to the side, inwardly replaying the words as if looking for a secret code within them. He turned back to Jax, his eyebrows frowned and his eyes almost pleading for an explanation.

“Look, I’m not stupid nor naïve,” Jax started again, his arms crossed against his chest and his posture defiant as if daring him to argue with him – which he would obviously not do, “And while I can’t possible begin to understand what you’ve been through those last months, I _know_ you. Most importantly, I know how to make the difference between regular Rip Hunter and a mindless puppet.”

At that, Rip let out a self-deprecating snort, much to Jax’s confusion. Ignoring him, he walked back toward his desk, eyeing the uncorked bottle of whisky placed to a couple of glass. With a sigh, he poured himself half a drink, vaguely aware of the sound of Jax’s steps as he re-entered the office. With a sigh, Rip turned back around, leaning against his desk.

“That’s a bit of an understatement,” he muttered, swirling his drink in his tumbler and barely noticing Jax mimic his posture, “I wasn’t a complete mindless puppet, that’s what makes it worse. I still, somewhat, had control over my thoughts and actions. Didn’t need Darkh or Thawne whispering in my ear to crash the _Waverider_ in the Jurassic.”

Oblivious to the younger man’s aggravated groan and eye roll, Rip downed the drink in one-go, wincing at the taste and the churning of his stomach. Maybe he should actually eat something before drinking himself into oblivion. Clearing his throat, he rolled the glass between his hands, his jaw clenched.

“Look, correct me if I’m wrong but you were locked and held prisoner in your mind,” Jax said, his tone light and slightly teasing. Rip’s flinch at the reminder went unnoticed, “It didn’t scream control to me.”

Closing his eyes, he let a breath through his nose and clenched his hand around his glass, the slight ache reminding him that it was real and not just a figment of his imagination. His eyes snapped back, immediately falling on the whiskey bottle and he briefly considered about switching it with his glass before thinking better of it and covering it with the tumbler. Rubbing a hand over his face, he slowly turned to face Jax, swallowing a sigh of relief when he’s met with his usual warm and brown gaze instead of burning red eyes. 

“I tried to kill you,” he breathed out, wincing at the words echoed against the walls. His gaze fell on Sara’ motionless form for a second and he was to remind himself that she was simply sleeping, “I killed _her._ ”

Jax ‘s gaze didn’t waver – nor did his eyes changed colour – as he glanced at Sara before he looked back at her, giving a small shrug.

“Looks like you failed to me,” he retorted, the corner of his mouth twitching upward.

Which did nothing but infuriate him further. With a groan, Rip pushed himself away from his desk and put some distance between Jax and himself, his hands buried in his hair as he began to pace around the office, trying to reign in his hysteria. He didn’t understand how could they laugh or make light of the situation; there had been _nothing_ laughable about it. Clenching his fists to his side, he stopped in his pacing and turned back to Jax, the latter looking at him with curiosity and a bit of wariness. _Good,_ Rip thought, _they should all be wary._

“You should hate me,” he declared, to which Jax responded with a cocked eyebrow, as if saying ‘ _Should I?’_ and Rip was torn between rolling his eyes in fond exasperation and shouting at him for his obliviousness, “All of you _should_ hate me.”

“I don’t know, man. I think you’re hating yourself enough for all of us,” Jax retorted. He raised a hand, stopping him before Rip could even think about to protest, “I’m going to stop you right there. What were you expecting? For us to kick you and beat up? Lock you up in the brig without any food for God knows how long? I’m sorry but I think you’ve got us mistaken with Savage.”

Rip glowered at the mention and swallowed his retort about how he had gotten used to being held prisoner by his own crew, on his own ship.

“I was pretty mad, not going to lie,” Jax continued and Rip snapped out of his dark thoughts because _finally,_ someone was talking sense, “At you for scattering us throughout time – which I know you did to protect us, but next time you plan on sending us to play jesters for his Majesty King Joffrey, I’d appreciated a warning. At the Legion, for reducing you to a shell of yourself. At us, for not doing anything to prevent it, for not looking harder for you,”

Jax stayed silent for a moment, his jaw clenched as he stared down at his worn out sneakers, as if they held all the replies to his doubts. Rip didn’t speak; he didn’t dare blink nor move. Instead, he stared at the young man in front of him in bewilderment and awe, wondering when the insecure, youngest and less exuberant member of his crew had grown into such a fine man. He couldn’t help the small, prideful smile that pulled at his lips, Jax oblivious as he pulled himself together.

 “And then, you were back,” Jax sighed, his arms hitting his thighs ad they fell to his side, “And there wasn’t any reasons for me to hold a grudge or stay mad, I guess. You were back and that was all that mattered,” he shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck, “Beside, I tried to kill you too, so we’re even,” he added with a smirk.

Rip barked out a laugh, rolling his eyes at the widening of Jax’s smirk.

“Must’ve been a Wednesday,” he shot back, his tone joking and his mind surprisingly quiet. Sobering at the sound of Jax’s chuckle, he cleared his throat and slowly walked back toward the younger man, “Mr Jackson, I _am_ truly sorry for what I’ve put you through and-“

“I know,” Jax interrupted, his smile genuine as he pushed himself off the desk, “And I told you, it’s cool. All I care about is you being back and alright.”

Rip was _far_ from being alright and, meeting the younger man’s intent stare, he knew that Jax was aware of it and wasn’t fooling himself into thinking that everything was fine and dandy. But they would be, eventually, and he would get better. He would have to, for his and _their_ sake. Putting a hesitant, yet none trembling hand on Jax’s shoulder, Rip let out a breath and gave him a determined nod.

“I’m getting there, Mr Jackson. I’m getting there.”

His smile widening, Jax took him by surprise by wrapping his arms around his shoulders and bringing him into a hug. Blinking, it took him a minute to register what had happened before his own arms went around Jax, his chin going to rest on his shoulder as he returned the embrace, patting his back. Eventually, Max pulled back, a sigh escaping his mouth and his hands squeezing his shoulders. 

“It’s good to have you back, Rip.”

 “It’s great to be back, Jax,” Rip nodded, returning his smile. It widened into an amused grin at the younger man’s jaw dislocating yawn, “Go on, and get some sleep. We’ll be fine for now,” he said, gently pushing him out of the office.

“You too,” he shot back, stiffening another yawn, “Well, at least try,” Jax added after the grimace that had appeared on his face.

Not feeling like making a promise he wasn’t sure he would keep, Rip settled for nodding again and, thankfully, the small gesture seemed to satisfy Jax. His hands buried in his pockets, he watched with a lighter heart and slight amusement, as the younger man made his way off of the bridge, a hand held out in front of him as if he was readying to steady himself if he were to fall.

“Gideon, lights at 20% if you would,” he asked, running his fingers through his hair.

He smiled tiredly at the silent compliance as he made his way to the couch where Sara had taken residence and fallen asleep. After a moment of hesitance, he carefully lifted her legs, stopping in motion when she began stirring, nearly kicking him in the face. He let out a sigh of relief when she finally settled, a hand on her stomach and the other under her head. Sitting down with a groan, Rip rested her legs back onto his lap, pulling the blankets to cover his and her lower halves. His arms crossed against his chest, he leaned his head back, sunk into the couch and focused on the slow rise and fall of Sara’s stomach as she breathed, finding it strangely soothing.

Rip didn’t know how he, somehow, had found himself laying down and bundled in blankets. Judging by the fact that he actually felt rested and that Sara was nowhere to be find, he gathered that he had fallen asleep. Frowning, he pushed back his covers and sat up, stretching his arms over his head.

“Gideon, what time is it?” Rip croaked, rubbing his eyes.

 _“It is 12:34 in the afternoon, Captain. You’ve been asleep for thirteen hours: it’s a new personal record,”_ Gideon responded, sounding slightly smug.

He groaned in response, slipping on a discarded sweater on his desk chair before he made his way to the kitchen in search of food and tea. The sight that greeted as he arrived made him stop in the threshold. Sara was sitting on the counter, dangerously close to the stove, a plate on her lap as she alternated between talking with Amaya and stuffing her mouth with food. Nate and Ray sat around the table while arguing about Ford’s best role in the Lucas-verse, to which Martin participated with the occasional eye rolls before turning back to Wells’ _The Time Machine._ Mick was sitting in the corner, his beer balancing on his knee while keenly observing Jax as the latter tinkered with his gun, a concentrated frown on his face.

Rip swallowed the lump in his throat as he bounced nervously from foot to foot, eyeing the scene in front of him as if he were afraid to intrude. At the same time, there was some kind of familiarity that pulled him in. He felt his heartbeat quicken when his gaze met Sara’s expectant stare, a fork dangling from her mouth.

“Would you look at that, Sleeping Beauty is up,” Sara announced, smirking at his scoff as she slid down the counter.

“More like Queen Elizabeth,” Mick muttered to himself, whom Rip didn’t chose to acknowledge, his arms crossed against his chest.

“Can I interest you in a cup of tea, Rip?” Martin proposed, getting up from his chair and moving to the teakettle before he could protest.

“Thank you, Martin,” he sighed; rubbing the back of his neck as he entered the room, “You needn’t bother yourself, though.”

 _“_ It’s not bother at all,” the older man assured, shoving a warm mug into his hands and patting his shoulder. 

Rip responded with a small smile and grateful nod and sat down next to Ray, the latter barely blinking at the sudden appearance. Somehow, he managed to be dragged into his and Nate’s argument, receiving a sympathetic look from Martin as the latter turned back to his reading, ear buds shoved in. As she passed him by, Sara dropped a grilled cheese in front of him, giving his shoulder a small squeeze as she returned to her conversation with Amaya, ignoring the confused look he shot her. Sighing, he leaned back into his chair and brought the warm cup to his chest, the argument fading into the background as he took another look around the room. Meeting Jax’s smug, seemingly all-knowing stare, Rip tilted his head to the side and lifted an eyebrow in question. Jax responded with a smirk and waggled his eyebrows, his gaze moving to each member of the crew before it fell back on him, as if telling him ‘ _what did I tell you’._

Rolling his eyes, Rip lifted his mug in acknowledgement before putting it back onto the table and leaning onto it, smiling to himself. Maybe finding his place back into the team wouldn’t be as difficult as he had thought.

* * *

_It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll,_

_I am the master of my fate : I am the captain of my soul._

**Author's Note:**

> Again, thanks for reading this fic, you're awesome and lovely and freaking amazing! Please, don't forget to leave a comment down below to tell me what you thought about it : it means the world to me. You can also find me on tumblr; @oreosmunroe and we'll became best friends. 
> 
> Until next time, you gorgeous people,  
> Kadi


End file.
